November 22nd, 2006
|03:11 am - I've returned!|
Well, as for my bad habits they are non-existant! Its been about 11 weeks since I posted anything, I needed to go on one of those wandering in the wilderness trips! And I had been on myspace a lot, but I dunno. I'm back on livejournal, because there are still other things I need to work out.
August 26th, 2006
|06:12 pm - Bad Habits Phase 1|
Well, today is the 7th day of my breaking of Bad Habits Phase 1 (Black & Milds and Red Bull). I'm sure some of you know I use to have a habit of drinking excessive amounts of Red Bull (4x a day over a 4-year period). Basically I started at the age of 24, and I only became addicted because I needed a way to deal with my emotions during that dark period, of course it then became an addiction.
And I just didn't drink Red Bull alone; I always had to have a Black & Mild as well... I developed a phrase (I Can't Have One Without the Other). And the stupid irony was... I hated the taste of both my addictions, but together it was always a very sweet, with an enjoyable taste and smell. Yes, it was a bit ignorant not to see the signs and damage it was causing to my health. I didn't really see the light until I took my Health Class during the Summer Semester, and it really bothered me after awhile. It wasn't until last week when I took a week off from work that I realized that I really needed to quit smoking and drinking stupid energy drinks that basically lied to me about giving me wings.
So, Today is also the quit day for Bad Habits Phase 2 (Cigarettes and Hot Chocolate); I didn't realize until yesterday that even Hot Chocolate has Caffeine in it, and that the amount of Hot Chocolate (5x a day) I was drinking was basically trying to make up for the amount of Red Bull I use to have, so I decided to just give up both. Basically, I have picked up bad habits from working a lonely swing shift at my job.
Now, Bad Habits Phase 3 is more of a private nature that I will not dare utter in these blogs (myspace or Livejournal) or to anyone else for that matter, and because its no ones business and because it really has no purpose anymore.
So next week I'll be ready for Phase 2, I'll probably be more irritated and moody then ever before, but I'm going to remain positive and upbeat about the choices that I'm making. All I can do now is hope for the best results and hope that I won't relapse.
Wish me Luck!
July 29th, 2006
|01:49 am - I'm....|
I'm melting... melting... oh what a world, what a world!
July 11th, 2006
|07:19 pm - The Origins of a Hunter|
Life and Love is mysterious; you never truly know when either one will take a hold of you and throw you into a state of pure euphoria, adventure and joy; which is why it’s crucial to grab hold of each opportunity when it comes available. You have to want to go after your life and love yourself in order to truely love yourself and understand yourself. In this 3rd week of going back to school, it seems horrific at times that my body can't keep up with my mind, and its a bit confusing as to why it should be harder for me to go to school now then it would've been if I had finished school when I was younger (18 thru 24). I'm a workaholic, I'm pushing close to 50+ hours of work each week, and I'm still expected to wake up early in the morning and have enough energy to attend my classes, prepare for exams, and study whenever possible.
Every week, I learn a great deal about change and progress, and what is needed in order to be successful in this world. Yet, at times I can't seem to understand why I keep making the same mistakes each week. So a light bulb goes off in my head and I realize that between the ages of 21 thru 26; I picked up certain bad habits that can hinder my true potential from being realized. Procrastination, Stimulants, Lack of Sleep, and poor Time Management; are just a few of the worse habits that are slowing me down.
When you're chasing after something, or hunting a potential reward or prey, you always learn how to become more proficient or primal in your approach. You pick up things that might be stopping or slowing you down from achieving a goal, and then you have a choice you can either manage or remove that anchor that is slowing you down.
I'll admit today, I was close to breaking down literally in tears although I'll admit I'm not one to allow my emotions to get that out of hand. But today was hard, my body was just so fucking tired, and I could feel it start to get a bit burnt out. But feeling sorry for yourself won't solve a damn thing, you have to stand strong and remain defiant, stubborn, and willful if you want to truly find that personal success that is awaiting you.
So now at this very moment, I find myself drawing from the strength that is within myself. I pull at the weapons that are hidden with myself, and I'm continually sharpening them. I'm unwilling to give up this time, I'll stay the course no matter how long it takes, no matter how much I bleed, and the risk is worth it, because the reward is worth the pain.
There is something growling in the deep dark places of my mind, heart, and soul; something that is slowly awakening from a long slumber. And when it is truly awakened I want people to know the difference between a HUNTER and a PREY!
You're a prey if you stand there waiting for someone to rescue you from your own pathetic insecurities; and you're a Hunter when you choose to chase after something that will bring you a sense of accomplishment and reward.
So... I pour my thoughts into this blog hoping that in time I can come back to it and seek that inspiration and motivation that I need for the long hunt.
Current Mood: awake
June 26th, 2006
|01:21 pm - Back to School|
Today, I started school again after a 2 year hiatus to sort things out personally and academically. It was a bit daunting the first day due to several reasons, but I'll only state 2 of them. The 1st being in a room with people that are at least 7 years younger then me, and the 2nd reason being the fact that my English class will be very intense with a lot of reading.
English Reading and Comprehension will be lectured over a 6 week period and the material will be crammed from a 16 week schedule into a small 6 weeks. The teacher said at least twice that if you're working 40 hours a week this class may not be the one for you. And I just sat there wide mouth open trying to understand how I was going to be able to study while working the hours that I do. Well, the answer to that is quite easy; I'll do what I have to do in order to pass that class. Its no longer an option as to which classes I have to take; I'm leaving for Ohio at the end of the year and I need my transferable A.A. Degree in order to make the transition more encouraging.
English and Writing has always been a favorite subject for me; because I love to write and I love literature in all its forms. And who doesn't enjoy reading a good novel while while on a plane or when you're travelling. And besides English, I have a Health class which I know along with English I will add to my personal life as well. There is nothing less educational then going to school but not applying anything that your teacher teaches. And I intend to let my reason to improve my life be my motivation for success in school.
Until next time, everyone do what you do!
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Life Less Ordinary by Mindi Abair
June 25th, 2006
|10:26 pm - Age (From Dark)|
AGE...what is age? Well it is the number of years or days or weeks that someone has lived from when they were born to the present, but what does it mean? Do not all people grow and learn differently? Do not all people have different experiences than each other and mature based upon those experiences? Age is a number that only states how long you have been on this earth, but why does the world seem to classify each person based upon that number? People advance in their knowledge of the world everyday and every moment that they live and breathe. There are experiences that can be beheld at every turn, and everyone experiences these differently and recieve different marks and feelings that imprint upon them. Memories hold vast amounts of imformation for people. It allows them to learn from their mistakes and seek the knowledge that they need in order to fulfill something else that they may be going through. Everyone has different memories. Everyone changes differently depending on how they use their knowledge and how well they learn the lessons of this world from the people around them and the experiences that they have had. To be dumb you never learn from your mistakes. To be smart you learn from your own and make sure that you don't make them again. But to be wise...to be wise you learn from your mistakes as well as others. To seek knowledge just look around at the world around you and see the mistakes of others and make sure that you do not fall into the same snares that they did. You can also do this to seek helpful information upon other things and can also learn from people who have had good experiences. The world is limitless for information, you just have to have the right frame of mind to be willing to look at it and remember things that have happened. But do not judge someone based upon their age. Everyone is different and everyone matures differently depending on their situation. King Tutankhamen became the pharaoh and ruler of Egypt at only the age of nine. King Arthur began his reign of rulership at around the age of sixteen. Today standards are different than those times yes. The world wants to believe that they have learned from the mistakes of the past, but have they really? When I see something to prove that statement, then I will believe. The world is not much different than the world in the past. Some situations are different, but life if anything holds more of a chance to become more mature at an early age. The question then is...if women are known to mature faster than men and this is a proven fact...and a King could rule his own kingdom at the age of nine and around sixteen, wouldn't we have more of a chance to be more mature now? The world has changed I agree. But it has more of a burden upon people and makes everyone have more of a responsibility. With this in mind then, why judge someone based upon their age? Are they not allowed to be as sophisticated in their knowledge as other people whose age is greater? Are they not allowed to have the same priviledges as others when they think on the same level? The world is strange at times and never really considers everything. The world just wants to judge others and base things upon the average, not upon the persons involved. If the world is so fast to judge and to label others now, I hate to see what the future beholds for us. No matter what age you are you will always continue to grow and learn more things. Even people who have reached the peak of their life, even at the age of 100 stil are learning and growing. You continue to learn right up to the age you die. If you have the will to learn you just might advance further than others. If things have happened in your past that have left their mark upon you, you will mature faster. Everyone is different so do not be so hasty in your decisions to judge and label others.
June 21st, 2006
|07:48 pm - Denial (Venting Session)|
Recently, a friend of mine said she doesn't believe in one-night stands and sleeping around, and personally I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I'm a seer and strong Empath; and hell if you look like the type of girl that gets turned on by a guy kissing you in a bar while you're tipsy and then you get on your knees and go to work... well then don't come to me with some sob story about how my opinion of you might change because it probably never did.
My opinions of people don't change, you can sleep around with the whole university and I won't judge you; but if you're trying to get me to convince you that you aren't what you are... then you're asking for a whole lot; because we shouldn't lie to ourselves. If you're a sex addict; just accept that fact; if you sleep around for money just accept that fact; if you're a republican like myself and voted for George Bush 2 times... accept that fact; if you're a lover of PEACE and not WAR; then move to another Country because War has come to the United States!
I'm not trying to be Mr. Difficult, yes, you can come to me about your problems and I will listen to you and give you whatever advice I think is good for you. But first you have to accept the fact that you have a PROBLEM! Girls, who sleep with guys within the first 8 hours of meeting them, have PROBLEMS! Of course the guys don't have that problem, because lets face it... some of (GUYS) were born with one goal... to have sex with as many girls as they can before they die; but I am not one of those guys. My goal in life is to help people produce positive change! I'm the CATALYST FOR CHANGE PEOPLE!
But back to my friend, I don't know what to really say to her; of course she sees me as this good guy who she wouldn't mind having a relationship with, but there is a tad problem because I can't see myself being with a girl that is in denial about certain things, and that's the problem... DENIAL! Be honest with yourself, then be honest with me, and we can see what the future holds. Lying is a quick way for me to give you the middle finger and say horrific things about you as a person.
So, have a good day... and remember... JESUS LOVES YOU!
Current Mood: predatory
|07:29 pm - Fawning...|
I'll never truly understand the different word phrases that Canadians use... so what... I'm fawning for a girl that I more then likely won't be able to see in 2 to 3 years; but damn... she is totally worth it. Education and School is more important then love and relationships right now anyway... plus... how does it look getting married but not at least having a Master's Degree in Sociology!
I've been truly living in California for too long; maybe small towns have different words or something!
June 18th, 2006
|11:04 pm - Sunday|
It's Sunday Night, and I find myself feeling as though I should be doing something and at times I feel as though I'm missing out on something (dates and girlfriends possibly). So, what I have decided to do is sit here in my room studying for my upcoming classes and watching Pride and Prejudice, I love reading novels but when they are made into great movies I'll sit there and watch with sincere intentions; anyway Kiera Knightly is a fiery goddess!
Now today was a good day though, played my bass again and I felt good releasing these built up emotions I've been holding in for the past few days. I start school again in a week and thus begins my 10 Year Educational Odyssey.
YAY, lots of excitement there!
Current Mood: calm
June 17th, 2006
|08:58 pm - Cartoons, Anime, and Activstims|
I'd like to believe that by now most people who know me; understand how much I respect the simple nature of cartoons. Anime on the other hand is more focused toward Adults or those who have reached that mature age of 16. But in any case, its important to look at cartoons as an escape from the seriousness in which reality brings us.
So I've been grieving, mourning, walking around with a sad look on my face... whatever you want to call it. And I really hadn't smiled, laughed, or acted like someone who just had sex for the first time. Nope, I was falling like a ton of bricks into a serious phrase of depression or as I like to call it... Post-Relationship Blues which is just another way of saying... I've dumped another girl and I'm suffering from the lack of physical contact with the female species. I do hope that my analogy helped in describing the atmosphere or environment of moods I've been going through.
Oh, and yes, I did go to counseling this week, but there is only so much one person can talk about in one hour, so I am hoping that by next week things will be a lot more organized and simple.
Okay, now back to my blog on cartoons and anime; and the small but efficient rise of STITCH. Behind all my countless battles with rage, anger, depression, and sometimes deviant behavior towards cats; I found myself watching Lilo and Stitch on Tuesday just before I went to work. Let's be honest, my nephew is a sweet-heart, but there are times that I wouldn't mind putting some tape around his mouth to stop his crying, he will be spoiled someday, and I think he might turn into some kind of ladies man; but I don't know he just has that look and attitude. But back to Tuesday, so he's in one of his moods (It's all about me because I'm the baby), and I'm starting to get sad and depressed because I have to go to work and I'm still thinking about Keisha & Shawna, and I'm watching Lilo and Stitch with my nephew, and all of a sudden... like rain from the heavens... I start to laugh.
I blame Stitch though, that blue bastard just has that look, I'll destroy everything but afterwards I'll give you a hug because I'm truly sorry but I can't help myself. Stitch has been my best escape from the reality of death, now I don't have any pictures of Stitch or any stuffed animals of Stitch, but for now he is what is keeping me alive. And for that... I thank Stitch!!!!!!!!!
I'm not immature, strange, weird, or crazy; I just have a unique and likeable quality. I can be serious, ambitious, and goal-oriented; and I can delegate the day like any CEO; but I have my moments where I just need to laugh and be funny. And in this fucked up world in which I have a President that has a speech problem who has several brain farts a day; and I live in a world where people lack any originality and uniqueness; also did I tell you that I hate hearing the "N" word come out of people's mouths. But yesterday I must've heard it like a dozen times... there were times I thought of taking the bat from out of my truck and going to work, (and just so I won't be considered bias I was going to hit all ages, male and female) its just because how can you claim to be anything in this world but will sit up there degrade yourself to a term that was used by racist and hateful people.
Well, thats all I got to say about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current Mood: busy