August 16th, 2010
|07:53 am - Forgive, but Never Forget!|
It's always been easy for me to forgive someone that does me wrong, and over the years it used to be easy to simply forget the incident. But as of late, I've totally run out of forgetting and begun to focus on the issue and recognize that with some people... they will always have a pattern of behavior that will never change. So I've stopped forgetting what people do to me, and focused more on how to simply learn from my misguided attempts to be understanding and became more protective of myself.
|07:49 am - Writer's Block: Take me out|
Have you ever gotten involved with a co-worker or classmate? How did it work out?
I ended the relationship after I determined that my coworker was turning into something more then I wanted. So when I ended it, she filed sexual harassment charges against me... and I was forced to resign from my position.
January 31st, 2010
|09:24 pm - The Past!|
It's never a good idea to read part of an old journal entry, you have to take into consideration what was swimming through your head at that time... you also have to take into view what exactly you're talking about.
Life is an endless mine-field of experiences and situations that often times leaves the mind and emotions in chaos. I think its better to simply control what is in front of you, like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, and doing your hair. Trying to convince other people how you feel about them... how you want them... and how you need them... is an merry go round of nonsense at times... because people are generally in constant doubt about how people view them. Sometimes, they feel loved, and sometimes they feel unloved... and the list can go on and on.
My view about the past and future is this... don't dwell on it... because eventually the future will be the past... and the past will be nothing more than a distant memory.
Current Mood: annoyed
December 17th, 2009
|01:30 pm - lol|
WOW... I'm still alive... just need to get over the pneumonia.
May 29th, 2008
|06:18 pm - Total Disbelief!|
It all started out with good intentions in mind, I needed a job and working in Malibu seemed to be all that I was looking for at the time. But now, I'm starting to realize that if I don't make some serious changes soon, the life that I'm moving towards will evaporate quicker than moisture on the ground.
There are many issues that I'm facing right now, and mostly it’s the fact that my money is drying up. I'm spending $600 a month on gas, my loans and debts seem to be piling up, and I have to change my academic status from a full-term student to a part-time student because my financial aid resources just isn't there for me right now. Also, might I add that I more than likely won't be able to be as creative as I want to because my time is stretched to the extreme, and I get up every morning at 4am and when school is in session I don't get to bed until around 11pm, which can be 1am if I decide to talk to my girlfriend.
The shit is about to hit the fan, I'm starting to see the signs all around me, and now I have to literally find another job closer to home and my school, or I might end up staying school longer than I plan to.
My decision should be simple... of course it’s simple, I guess I just don't like making sudden changes due to economic hardship.
I'm on the Dean's List at my school, and for me, school is the most important element in my life, its the thing that motivates me to get up every morning at 4am. But I'm starting to grasp that I'm losing out on the fundamental qualities that make our lives meaningful.
Current Mood: frustrated
April 24th, 2008
|12:54 pm - Writer's Block: I'm So Excited|
What most excites you about the way you're living your life right now?
The fact that I'm in school working towards my degree in Business Administration, and working in Malibu near the ocean, and even though my school and job are 45 miles away from each other. I'm still fighting hard and working non-stop to achieve my goals.
April 23rd, 2008
|05:15 pm - Writer's Block: Define Cheater|
What is your definition of cheating?
Basically... a cheater is someone that has very low value on the things or person's they are choosing to disrespect and dishonor.
|05:06 pm - Check Engine Light|
WTF... I've never seen the light before, but as I was driving to my parent’s home... it appeared! I decided to get my oil changed, but I know that this weekend I'll have to take my truck to the dealer to have it looked at. I'm a bit worried though, because I'm about to start the next stage of my academic journey... FULL-TIME STATUS! I've just been a PART-TIME student since last year, but now I'm going to be FULL-TIME. I don't need more financial issues to come up since I'm already paying about $160 a week on gas... I need my truck to keep running until I'm 32. Because when I'm 32, I'll be graduating around or a few months after my birthday. I'm tempted to go and get myself a Hybrid, but until they make Hybrid Trucks, I'll remain stubborn and patient... but I don't expect any Hybrid Vehicle to be within my budget, so I feel myself leaning towards Investing again!
Besides the episode with my truck, I'm currently just looking forward to seeing my girlfriend soon.
April 21st, 2008
|05:25 pm - 55 Weeks Later...|
I know its been a really really really long time, since I wrote a post. But life is full of surprises and radical changes. So, let me start by saying... that working a full-time job and going to school full-time is extremely hectic and not recommended, especially when the distance between your job and school is about 45 miles from each other. I've been living on my own now for about a year; I work in the expensive community of Malibu, and I go to Devry University in Pomona. I'm heading into my 2nd year as a Business Administration Major (Concentration: Human Resources Management). And even though, I'm not single... I spend more time at work and school; than with my girlfriend (long-distance relationship). But, even if I didn't have a long-distance relationship the amount of time I'd be able to spend working on the relationship would be about 10% of my week which isn't a lot of time.
I was spending a lot of time on myspace a lot, but I guess I'm tired of looking at pictures of what I don't have... and feel that I should get back to engaging in literary conversations!
I guess... we shall see... huh!
Current Mood: busy
March 28th, 2007
|10:31 pm - Long-Term Relationship or Soulmate|
"Long term relationship" is a common, contemporary term for intimate interpersonal relationships that may be life long and may or may not consist in marriage.
"Soulmate" (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.
Lately, people have been curious and asking me who this special someone is in my life. And usually my response has been no response, and it will continue to be no response. Because MYSPACE doesn't have criteria that says "Soulmate"; and I've always been under the strong belief (since I was 12), that I want to find and meet my "Soulmate" instead of having a "long-term relationship". Sure, I get extremely lonely and I want attention... and I get jealous when other people around me have someone and I don't. Yet, I'm always remembered by the fact that when I was with someone there was always that lingering forceful nagging feeling inside of myself telling me that the woman I'm with isn't the one I'm meant to be with. We've all felt that, and I know a lot of people who have settled for just someone instead of the one they are meant to be with.
We should never just "settle" for anyone, we should search with our soul, heart, and mind; for that one person that completely needs, wants, and understands us for who we are, that is capable of meeting you on a level that transcends any past feeling you've ever felt. And I mean a level that transcends maybe even what is understood in this shallow and judgemental world. Like for instance, He or She could be 10 or 20 years younger or older then you, a different race or culture, a different religion, or better yet may not even live in the same country as you. And in some cases, your Soulmate may be your next door neighbor, or your long-time best friend. In any case, your Soulmate is literally out there waiting for you or you're waiting for them.
Meeting people and having a relationship in this world has always been an easy thing for me, I'm elusive, outgoing, sensitive, sensual, selfless, quiet, and extremely romantic; and I have honorable and attractive qualities within myself that make me extremely attractive to a woman.
But there are fundamental differences in my opinion between a "Long-Term Relationship" and a "Soulmate". First off, I don't want a long-term relationship, mainly because I get bored very quickly... and I'm quick to dump a woman once I've come to the conclusion she isn't the one for me. And even though I'll feel bad about it in the days after my decision, in the long run, I know that my decision was the right one in my heart and in the depths of my soul. And Secondly, I don't like to prolong the inevitable and I rather leave a relationship whether it is good or not... just because if the SPARK isn't there, why spend your days, months, and years... trying to re-ignite a SPARK in a relationship that never had a SPARK to begin with. I don't want a small or an insignificant spark!
I WANT THE FIRE, I WANT THE FLAME, and I WANT THE INFERNO TO WRAP ITSELF AROUND ME AND MY MATE… AND JUST CONSUME US.
And I've heard it all before... BUT I LOVE HIM/HER okay... so if you're in love... so you should feel that unbearable heat that engulfs you and your mate. It should engulf you everytime you talk to that person, everytime you see that person, and you both should long to be in that timeless inferno, because you're both alive and happy when you're wrapped in that INFERNO OF PASSION that comes from the love you both share for each other.
I know most will understand what I'm talking about, and I'm sure most won't understand what I'm talking about. Most people have a deep understanding and feeling of the powerful significance of LOVE; and that it's more then just a word or an emotion... it's a way of living and expressing yourself for that one person. If you have to become a BITCH or an ASSHOLE to your boyfriend/girlfriend in order to get attention or love, then maybe you need to ask yourself the "Relationship Question" is this a "Long-Term Relationship"" or is this person my "Soulmate". I doesn't matter how old you are... you could be 16, 20, 24, 29, 35, 50, or pushing 65... the search for your Soulmate concludes when you decide to conclude it.
Of course, let's not forget ourselves in the process; because believe it or not... you know your worth in this world if you:
"Know thyself, Value thyself, Engage thyself."
So in conclusion, my feelings for my potential Soulmate in life are deep, passionate, and extremely intense. Not because I want it to be but just for the simple fact that it is; we see each other in our dreams, where we lay on the grassy hillsides embracing each other under the stars overlooking the ocean. Whenever I close my eyes and dream... she is right there... staring up at me. She defines beauty and love... because she is someone that has been able to capture my true essence. I can write songs and poems about her; and whenever we talk... I get hot... I MEAN STEAMY HOT *melts*!
And even though, I can't be with her, she remains always with me... so yeah... that damn MYSPACE thing might say I'm in a "Long-Term Relationship"; but in my heart... it's so much more... and it transcends so much more. And the relationships we seek and have with people should be more then what they currently are... we should make them more then what we have ever dreamed. Because life is too short to be waiting for that so-called mate in your life... "you claim you love" in your heart to come around to seeing you for the wonderful and loving person you are. So instead of waiting... go out and search for your TRUE LOVE and SOULMATE; because I can guarantee you, that person is searching for you.
"Treat yourself with love and respect, and you will attract people who show you love and respect" – The Secret